Guys don't have the patience to cook, generally -- when they are hungry, they want to eat. Shopping on the way home from work to get some nice Swiss chard and... oh, look... cukes are on sale! That's just not going to happen a lot.
What's needed for a guy on his own is something that uses standard ingredients found in most gentlemen's kitchens (things that store a long, long time) cooks easily but is healthy and not too fattening.
This recipe fits the bill.
You need:
- 1 box of Kraft Dinner "KD", also known as Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Guys all know which particular brand is their favourite. Get the good kind, whichever that is. Thankfully, you're pleasing no one but yourself and you can probably afford the 75 cents to get the very best. Don't get that brand called Annie's Homegrown Bunnie Pasta -- too many questions from the kittens about if it has real bunnies inside.
- 1 frozen package of broccoli in cheese sauce. It comes in a convenient square box, so that you can buy 20 and stack 'em up in the freezer. Can't you tell this is going to be a great recipe already! Green Giant brand, of course. We're guys here -- no tinkerbell brands.
- 1 small container of milk. If you want to lose weight, get skim (non-fat) milk. I always buy the non-lactose milk if they have some, because ... well, you know.
- Boil the KD noodles as you normally would. Extra points if you can make the whole thing foam over three times!
- Meanwhile, nuke the frozen broccoli. You have to cut apart the plastic package a little, which can be done with 14 or 15 expert slashes with your pocket knife -- no need to wash one of the dirty knives that live in the dishwasher.
- Check the blade on that knife. Does it need sharpening? Maybe look at it in a better light. Looks okay, I guess. Fold it up, and back into your pocket it goes. Safety first. Whoa! Noodles are boiling over again.
- If you time it right (and who doesn't love to get the timing right) you get the noodles done the exact instant when the microwave is done melting the frozen broc.
- Drain the noodles. This is pretty complicated to do without a strainer. But if you take a look at how much one of those high-end colanders costs, it gets a lot easier to use the pot lid to keep most of the noodles in the pot. If you're pretty hungry and a lot of noodles fell in the sink, well, blow off the germs and put them back in the pot!
- Fish the KD box out of the garbage (oh, there it is on the floor!) and find the cheese powder mix. Even though the broccoli has cheese sauce, too, neither of them is really made of cheese so you need both of them just to taste anything.
- Cut the top of the cheese powder package open. I won't keep mentioning that it is good to use the ol' pocket knife -- you get the idea. Maybe spend some time with that blade later, though, when this 9 minute cooking agony is over.
- Dump the cheese sauce on the noodles before they get cold.
- Make sure the milk isn't bad. Don't use spoilt milk or you will be sick. Ignore the expiry date. You have to sniff the milk (I'm serious). If it smells bad, it's bad. If it smells okay, it's good. If you think maybe it might be bad, then it's good. When you take a big ol' sniff of milk that's bad, you don't use wonder "uh... maybe it might be bad?". The smell just about makes you ralph.
- So, now that it has passed the sniff test, dump in a little milk. Just a splash. Half a glass. You didn't have a fancy strainer so there is still a lot of water in there. If the milk was bad, add some water. Or try the sour milk -- live on the edge!
- If you like butter or margarine, and you actually have some, add it too. Too creamy for me, but you're making this for you.
- Stir it up until the powdered cheesey goodness is no longer powder and no parts of the goop are more orange than others.
- In goes the broccoli-n-cheese. You have to have already nuked it. Don't get the bright idea that you can get the cheesy noodles to melt the frozen broccoli. It won't work -- I tried it. You will end up with a half-frozen broccoli mass with cheese and noodle barnacles all over it. And since everything is in a metal pot, you can't use the microwave to save you now, Einstein.
- So, let's assume you already melted the cheesy broccoli, so it stirs nicely into the KD.
Enjoy! And save the cheesy pot for the kittens!
While you eat, let's study how much this cost, in dollars and calories!
In my concoction, I skipped the milk because skim milk doesn't really add much, and it always goes bad after a month in the fridge.
My local Safeway is pretty expensive:
- one package Kraft Dinner $0.80
- one package frozen broccoli w/cheese $2.00.
I stocked up and bought 3 of each, and that cost me less than $10.00
I'll read you the calories off the boxes:
the entire box of KD (without milk) 260
the entire box of broccoli and cheese 150
If you are a pig and eat all of everything, that's barely 400 calories. You could eat that 3 meals a day and lose weight like crazy.
By contrast, click here to see the amazing Chipotle calorie counter. Just click on the items you had in the burrito you ordered last time you were there, and see if it tops 1500 calories. I had a chicken burrito -- 1300 calories!! I'm not eating at Chipotle any more.
Yessiree! Only 3 bucks and 400 calories, and you ate so much your stomach hurts. And tomorrow you can brag at guys (hopefully with certain women in earshot) that "yep... cooked me up a mess of pasta primavera last night -- I stick mainly to broccoli as my prime prima. So-oo-oo good and so good for ya. Oh, that reminds me, I'm not sure I didn't nick the blade on my pocket knife... let's see that thing here...".
